


Holding On

by samjsjlove



Category: CW Network RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-08
Updated: 2014-03-08
Packaged: 2018-01-15 00:36:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1284652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samjsjlove/pseuds/samjsjlove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared and Jensen have been best friends since they first met in college, although Jared has been in love with Jensen for years and wishes for something more. All of their friends know how Jared feels, except for Jensen himself. Both are working as lawyers for the same law firm, Morgan and Beaver. While attending a boring work party they both get drunk and wake up in bed with each other. A few weeks after waking up in bed with Jensen, Jared discovers that he is pregnant and now has to face raising a child with the man that he’s been in love with for years. Will Jared and Jensen be brought closer by the prospect of raising a baby together, and will Jared get what he’s been wishing for? Or will this cement his belief that things will never be more between them?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I only wish this was real. I’m not a doctor, nor am I studying to be one, so all medical information came from Dr Google. If anything is wrong/ inaccurate, blame him, not me.
> 
> Title from the song “Say You Will” by Evanescence
> 
> There is artwork for this fic which can be found [here](http://evian-fork.livejournal.com/73500.html).

The first thing that comes to Jared’s mind when he wakes up and takes in his surroundings is _oh crap_. His memories from the night before suddenly make themselves known to him and Jared’s feeling of _oh crap_ builds.

 

He is lying in Jensen’s bed and the dull ache in his ass confirms what his somewhat hazy mind is telling him. He slept with Jensen last night. Jensen; his best friend since pretty much the first day at Stanford and the guy he’s been pathetically in love with for almost as long.

 

Jared and Jensen work for the same law firm, Morgan & Beaver, and last night there was an office party; something about the anniversary of the firm. The party was really rather dull and Jared and Jensen ended up drinking far too much and apparently thought it would be a good idea to have sex.

 

Jared kind of wants to smother himself with a pillow. How could he be so stupid? It’s bad enough that he’s in love with his best friend but then he goes and sleeps with him? That’s not going to make things any better. At least before he could reconcile himself with the hope that Jensen was awful in bed, but now that’s out the window.

 

Maybe it would be best if Jared just made a break for it. Jensen hasn’t woken up yet, so Jared could just sneak out and maybe Jensen won’t remember and Jared can pretend that this never happened.

 

Just as Jared has made the decision to sneak out, he feels Jensen stir next to him and tenses. Jensen groans and Jared can feel the exact moment when Jensen remembers the events of the night before.

 

“Oh crap,” Jensen says out loud.

 

“My thoughts exactly,” Jared replies.

 

“My memories are a little hazy but, er, we did, didn’t we. We had sex?”

 

There’s no point in denying it. Jensen knows the truth as well as Jared does. “Yeah,” says Jared in answer.

 

“Crap. Um, so, what are we gonna do?”

 

“Well,” says Jared, “I was thinking that I’d just leave. We avoid each other for a week or so and then pretend this never happened.”

 

Jensen is silent for a minute, seemingly thinking it over. “Good plan.”

 

“Alright, then. I’m just gonna go.”

 

Jared sits up in the bed, avoiding looking at Jensen and tries to collect his clothes scattered around the room.

 

“I’ll, er, see you in a week or so then,” Jared says, still not looking at Jensen, and bolting out the room.

 

Jared pauses briefly in the living room to put his clothes on before he lets himself out of Jensen’s apartment and makes his way home.

 

~*~

 

Jared spends the next week avoiding Jensen which isn’t all that easy considering that they work in the same place.

 

He doesn’t want things to get awkward between him and Jensen. Jensen’s been his best friend for years; ever since a computer error put a freshman in a student housing apartment with a bunch of seniors. He and Jensen had gotten along straight away; both of them majoring in pre-law, although with Jensen a few years ahead, and them both being from Texas. And then, after Jared graduated from law school last summer, Jensen got him a job in the same law firm.

 

Jared can’t say for definite when exactly he fell for his friend but one day he was looking at Jensen and he just knew that he was in love with him. Of course everyone knows but Jensen. Jared hates it. He always gets these pitying looks from their friends every time Jensen picks up another one night stand.

 

That’s another problem. Jensen doesn’t do relationships. And Jared is a serial monogamist. He’s either in a relationship or he’s single. And of course none of his relationships work out because he’s in love with his best friend. They either dump him because they know he’s in love with Jensen or Jared finds a reason to break up with them because they just aren’t Jensen. Mark, Jared’s last boyfriend, moved to London for work a few months back, at the beginning of the year, but if he hadn’t gone Jared would have just found some excuse to break up with him.

 

He really needs to get over this thing for Jensen. And sleeping with him really didn’t help anything. Now he closes his eyes and he can feel Jensen pressed up behind him, Jensen’s lips against his. And that just really isn’t helping any.

 

It’s been just over a week since Jared and Jensen had sex and Jared is really supposed to be working on this report for his meeting on Friday but he just can’t concentrate on anything. So he pulls up Solitaire on his computer.

 

Jared has a serious Solitaire problem. The thing is: whenever he finishes a game a little window pops up and asks him if he wants to play again. And, well, Jared _does_ want to play again. And he can’t just lie to his computer. And before he knows it, an hour has passed and he’s still playing Solitaire.

 

There’s a knock at his office door and Jensen sticks his head in.

 

“Hey, you busy?” Jensen asks, already making his way into the room.

 

Jared thinks for a moment, he really should be working on that report and if he _was_ working on the report, then he would be busy. But he’s not; he’s playing Solitaire.

 

“Mmm… No. Not busy,” Jared eventually replies.

 

“Playing Solitaire?” Jensen asks with a smirk, sitting in the chair opposite Jared’s desk.

 

“Yeah,” Jared whines. “I can’t help it. It’s an addiction!”

 

“Then why don’t you just not start playing in the first place then you won’t keep playing.”

 

Jensen clearly does not understand the call of Solitaire so Jared decides to ignore his comment. “What can I do for you, Jensen?”

 

“Well, we’ve been avoiding each other for a week now and I was wondering if we were done with that yet? I don’t want things to be weird between us.”

 

“I don’t want that either,” says Jared.

 

“So are we done avoiding each other? Chris and Steve have a gig tonight.”

 

“Yeah, we’re done. I’ll be there tonight. Chris would have my ass if I missed it.”

 

“Damn straight. I’ll see you later.” With that Jensen gets up and walks out of Jared’s office.

 

Things pretty much go back to normal after that; Jared pining away after Jensen; Jensen being oblivious.

 

~*~

 

Jared emerges from the bathroom about ten minutes after he’d run in there. At first he thought his food just hadn’t agreed with him, after all it was right after lunch, but this has been going on all week so now Jared thinks he must have a stomach bug or something.

 

He goes back to his office and collapses into his chair. He’s been a lot more tired than usual lately and the near constant nausea he’s been feeling is really starting to annoy him.

 

“Hey, you still not feeling well?” Jensen asks as he walks into Jared’s office and takes his usual seat on the other side of Jared’s desk.

 

“No,” Jared answers in a miserable voice. “I can barely keep anything down.”

 

“Maybe you should go to your doctor? Maybe he can at least give you something.”

 

“Yeah, maybe. I’ll make on appointment on Monday if I’m still not feeling well.”

 

~*~

 

Jared spends his Tuesday lunch break in the doctor’s office. He didn’t feel better at all over the weekend so after a bit of badgering from Jensen, he made an appointment with his doctor.

 

“Mr Pa-da-lacki?” the nurse fumbles out Jared’s name and he stands to follow her back to the doctor’s office, not bothering to correct her pronunciation.

 

“Jared. How are you?” Dr Taylor asks when Jared steps into the office. Jared has been going to Dr Taylor ever since he first moved to San Francisco nearly 8 years ago for college.

 

“Um, not too bad,” answers Jared, sitting in the chair that Dr Taylor indicates.

 

“So what can I do for you?”

 

“Well, um, I’ve been feeling really nauseous for about a week now and I can’t really keep anything down,” Jared replies.

 

Dr Taylor makes a humming noise and makes a note on his computer. “Any other symptoms?” the doctor asks.

 

“Er, yeah, I guess. I’ve been more tired than usual and I guess I’ve had some stomach pains.”

 

“And what about your bathroom habits?”

 

“Excuse me?” Jared splutters.

 

“Your bathroom habits. Have you been urinating more frequently recently? Constipated?” Dr Taylor asks, looking up from his computer screen.

 

Jared blushes a little and says, “Yeah, I guess I have been using the bathroom a little more frequently recently.”

 

Dr Taylor makes another humming noise and makes another note on his computer. He then takes something out of his desk draw and hands it to Jared.

 

“I’d like you to give a urine sample. You can use the restroom in the waiting room and then hand it to the nurse when you’re done.”

 

Jared takes the little cup from Dr Taylor and walks out of the room into the waiting room.

 

~*~

 

Twenty minutes later Jared is yet again sitting in front of Dr Taylor in his office.

 

“Well Jared, I had an idea about the cause of your symptoms and your urine sample has confirmed it.”

 

Jared looks at the doctor expectantly and nods at him when he doesn’t continue straight away.

 

“Jared, you’re pregnant.”

 

Jared thinks that that was probably the last thing that he had been expecting Dr Taylor to say. “No. No, that can’t be right. You have to have sex to get… Oh. Oh crap.” Jared buries his head in his hands. He can’t believe this.

 

“I’m going to give you the number of a friend of mine, Dr Hayward, who is an obstetrician that specializes in male pregnancies. I suggest that you contact him as soon as possible to schedule an appointment and then he can give you a prescription for pre-natal vitamins. I’m sure he’ll also be able to give you some pointers on how to deal with the morning sickness.”

 

Jared just nods, feeling a little shell-shocked. He accepts the business card that the doctor hands him, not really listening to what Dr Taylor is saying, and makes his way out of the doctor’s office and back to his own office building.

 

When Jared gets to his own office he puts the card in the top drawer of his desk and gets on with the work that he’s supposed to do that afternoon.

 

“Jared, you’re back,” Jensen says, making his way into Jared’s office. “How did everything go at the doctor’s?”

 

“Yeah, fine. Just a stomach bug. It’ll go away in a few days,” Jared replies, resolutely looking at his computer screen and avoiding Jensen’s gaze. He needs to get his head around the fact that he’s pregnant before he can even think of telling Jensen.

 

“Are you sure? You don’t look so good,” asks Jensen, leaning forward in his chair.

 

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just got a lot of work to do.”

 

“Alright. I’ll see you later, okay?” Jensen says standing up.

 

“Yeah, later.” Jared says without looking up from his computer screen.

 

~*~

 

It isn’t until about a week later that Jared looks at the card that Dr Taylor gave him. He is still freaking out about being pregnant, especially about being pregnant with Jensen’s child, but he has finally gotten his head around it. Kind of. He’s gone through a lot of emotions since he found out: denial, confusion, fear. He’s finally settled on acceptance so it’s probably about time that he make an appointment with this Dr Hayward and actually tell Jensen.

 

Jared picks up his office phone, presses 9 for an outside line then dials the number for Dr Hayward.

 

He makes an appointment with Dr Hayward’s secretary for that Friday, and then decides that he should really tell Jensen before the appointment. After all, Jensen might want to come with him.

 

Friday is still a few days away so Jared decides he’ll wait another day before telling Jensen so that he can psych himself up and plan what to say.

 

~*~

 

It’s Wednesday before Jared has gotten up the courage to talk to Jensen. He’s kind of been avoiding him since his visit to Dr Taylor and he does feel kind of bad about that.

 

Jared knocks on the door to Jensen’s office, which is bigger than his own, which isn’t surprising seeing as Jared’s office is tiny, then makes his way over to Jensen’s desk and sits down in the chair opposite him.

 

“Hey Jared. It’s been awhile.”

 

Jared winces slightly at the dig. “Yeah. I know. I’m sorry.”

 

“Is there any particular reason why you’ve been avoiding me? And you have been avoiding me,” Jensen adds when Jared opens his mouth to argue.

 

Jared sighs. Jensen knows him too well. “Okay, fine. I may have been avoiding you. A little.”

 

“Okay,” Jensen says, dragging the word out. “Any particular reason?”

 

“So I might not have been completely truthful about that doctor’s appointment…”

 

“What? Are you okay?” Jensen asks, leaning forward, his voice full of concern.

 

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. I just- I don’t have a stomach bug.”

 

“Okay. Then what is it?” Jensen asks, the worry not leaving his voice.

 

“I, er.” Jared clears his throat before trying again. “Well, I, umm. I’m pregnant,” Jared says in a breathy voice.

 

“Oh. Umm. Wow. I didn’t even know you were seeing anybody,” Jensen says, sounding just as shocked as he looks.

 

“Um, I’m not. Seeing anybody, that is.”

 

“Oh. Then, um, who’s the father?”

 

Jared takes a deep breath and just as he’s about to answer he sees comprehension dawning on Jensen’s face.

 

“ _Oh_. Is- Am _I_ -?” Jensen asks unable to finish a sentence.

 

“Yeah. It’s yours,” replies Jared somewhat breathlessly.

 

“Wow. Oh, um… Are you sure?” Jared must look slightly offended by that because Jensen rushes on to say, “Of course you’re sure. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything by that.”

 

“It’s okay,” Jared placates. “It took me a while to get my head around all of this… Look, I understand if you need some time to process all of this; I did. I’ll just, umm, I’ll let you get your head around all of this.”

 

With that, Jared gets up from his seat and leaves the office before Jensen can even get a word in edge-ways.

 

~*~

 

Jared’s hiding out in his office the next day when Jensen comes in and takes up his usual place.

 

“Hey.”

 

“Um, hi.”

 

“So, I’ve been thinking a lot since you left my office yesterday,” Jensen starts.

 

“Yeah?”

 

Jensen takes a deep breath to prepare himself for what he’s about to say. “You know I’m here for you right? I’m- I’m in this with you. Anything you need. I’ll be there.”

 

Jared feels his eyes filling with tears that he tries to keep at bay. “Thank you. That really means a lot to me,” says Jared, the tears starting to overflow.

 

Jensen stands up and moves around the desk to Jared’s side, cupping Jared’s face and wiping away the tears with his thumb, smiling fondly at him.

 

“Of course. You didn’t think I’d just leave you to deal with this on your own?”

 

“No. ‘Course not,” Jared sniffles. “I’m just really freaked out about this whole thing.”

 

“Yeah, I can relate,” Jensen chuckles. “But seriously. I’m here for you. I’ll be there every step of the way.”

 

“I, um. I made an appointment with an obstetrician for tomorrow.”

 

“You want me to go with you?” Jensen asks, still running his thumb over Jared’s cheek bone.

 

“If you want to?” says Jared, uncertainly.

 

“Yeah, I want to,” Jensen replies smiling up at Jared.

 

Jared smiles back at Jensen, feeling somewhat relieved that he doesn’t have to go to the doctor’s alone tomorrow.

 

“I just-” Jensen starts suddenly, “I don’t get how this happened. I mean, I thought we used a condom. We _did_ use a condom, right?”

 

“I thought so. I dunno. I mean, condoms aren’t a hundred per cent effective, right? So I guess there is a chance that I got pregnant even with using a condom. Or maybe it broke or something. I don’t know. We were both _really_ drunk.”

 

Jensen chuckles at that. “Yeah, we were. I guess it doesn’t really matter now. We just have to deal with this. Y’know. Together.”

 

That makes Jared smile. “Yeah.”

 

They lapse into a comfortable silence which is broken when Jensen stands up and makes to leave. “I, uh, I have work I gotta get done, so…”

 

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll, uh, I’ll see you later.”

 

Jensen smiles and walks to the door. “Later.”

 

~*~

 

Jared sits in the waiting room of Dr Hayward’s office nervously jiggling his leg.

 

When he and Jensen arrived the nurse at the reception desk had handed him a little cup and had asked him to give a urine sample. Jared hates giving urine samples. He’d handed in his sample and the nurse told him and Jensen to take a seat.

 

That was about ten minutes ago and Jared’s nerves build with every minute he’s sat there.

 

“It’s gonna be okay,” Jensen says, resting his hand on Jared’s knee to stop the movement.

 

Jared opens his mouth to reply but right then a petite blonde nurse walks in and calls out, “Jared Padalecki?”

 

Jared and Jensen stand up and follow the nurse out of the waiting area and into an examination room.

 

“Alright. How are you today?” the nurse, whose nametag reads ‘Cindy’, asks.

 

“Um, fine. I guess,” Jared answers awkwardly.

 

“Okay. So I just need you to step on this scale?” Cindy asks indicating the scale next to the wall.

 

After Jared had been weighed, Cindy takes his blood pressure and a sample of his blood.

 

“If I could get you to change into this while you wait for Dr Hayward to come in?” says Cindy handing Jared a medical gown.

 

Jared nods taking the gown from Cindy’s hands.

 

“So, the doctor will be in in just a minute, you can sit yourself on the examination table when you’ve changed.” After that Cindy smiles and leaves Jared and Jensen alone in the room.

 

“Turn around,” Jared says to Jensen when the door closes behind Cindy.

 

“What?” Jensen laughs. “You know I’ve seen you naked before. We have had sex.”

 

“I remember,” Jared scowls at Jensen. “Why d’you think we’re here? Just turn around.”

 

Jensen laughs but turns around none the less to give Jared some privacy to change.

 

A few minutes later, Jared is sitting on the examination table in the gown, with Jensen sitting in the chair next to him, when there’s a knock on the door.

 

“Hi, I’m Dr Hayward,” says the man that walks into the room, extending his hand towards Jared.

 

The man is tall, although not quite as tall as Jared, and has light brown hair that has been grown out a little. He has piercing blue eyes that crinkle slightly in the corner when he smiles his beautiful smile.

 

Dr Hayward is not what Jared was expecting at all. When Dr Taylor had told Jared that Dr Hayward was a friend of his he had assumed that Dr Hayward would be like him; greying hair and in his mid-fifties. However, Dr Hayward can’t be much older than early-thirties and Jared kind of wishes that they were meeting under different circumstances.

 

“Jared Padalecki,” says Jared, smiling and taking the doctor’s hand.

 

“And am I right in assuming that you’re the father?” asks Dr Hayward offering his hand to Jensen.

 

Jensen nods his head before introducing himself. “Jensen Ackles.”

 

“The first thing I need to do is ask a whole bunch of questions; stuff about medical history and what-not. After all the paper-work is done I’ll do a physical exam and then we’ll get to have a look at your baby,” Dr Hayward finishes with a smile. “So is this your first pregnancy?”

 

The questions continue for about ten minutes, asking about not only Jared’s health but Jensen’s too and that of their families; compiling a rather thorough family medical history. Jared is also asked questions about his lifestyle, dietary habits and if he’s currently on any medication.

 

“Okay so that’s the last of the questions,” says Dr Hayward moving to put his clipboard on the side table and grabbing some disposable gloves. “So, Jared if you could just lie back and put your feet in the stirrups?”

 

Jared does as he’s told, Dr Hayward covering his legs with a blanket.

 

“I’m just going to do a quick pelvic exam, if you could just scoot forward a bit?” says Dr Hayward, slicking up two of his fingers. Dr Hayward places his other hand on Jared’s abdomen while inserting his fingers and then presses down on Jared’s abdomen.

 

It’s not Jared’s first pelvic exam; he’s been having them about once a year since he found out he was a carrier at 18. They never get less awkward though and Jared always feels really uncomfortable having them done. Jensen being here really doesn’t help.

 

When the pelvic exam is finished, Dr Hayward pulls over the ultrasound machine and gets it ready.

 

“So are you ready to see your baby?” Dr Hayward asks, looking up at Jared and Jensen who both nod.

 

“Early in the pregnancy we tend to use the internal sonogram because it provides a clearer picture,” Dr Hayward explains as he slicks up the ultrasound probe and inserts it. Less than a minute later an image is shown on the ultrasound screen.

 

“So you see this bean shape here?” Dr Hayward asks, pointing it out. “That is your baby. About 8 weeks, I’d say. And this flicker here? That’s the heartbeat.”

 

Jensen stands up from where he was sitting beside the table to get a better look and takes Jared’s hand in his.

 

“Wow, Jay. That’s our baby. Jay?” Jensen asks when he doesn’t get a response.

 

“Yeah.” Jared says in a watery voice, tears spilling from his eyes. “Our baby.”

 

Jared turns to Jensen and gives him one of his mega-watt grins, dimples and all.

 

“Well, everything looks good,” says Dr Hayward putting the ultrasound equipment away and disposes of his latex gloves. “You can get changed now Jared, and then the two of you can meet me in my office which is right through that door on the left,” he says before disappearing through the door he indicated.

 

“I guess I gotta call my Mama now, huh?” Jared says, turning to Jensen with a sheepish look on his face.

 

“Oh, crap. I completely forgot about my Mama,” says Jensen. “Guess I’m gonna hafta call home too.”

 

Ten minutes later, Jared and Jensen are sitting in Dr Hayward’s office, Jared having changed back into the clothes he had arrived in.

 

“So judging by what you have told me and from the size of the fetus I’m putting your due date around the beginning of January, and I’ll be able to give you a more exact date as you progress in the pregnancy and I get more accurate measurements. I printed some pictures for you to take, as well,” the doctor says, picking something up from his desk and handing it to Jared.

 

Jared takes what Dr Hayward hands him and looks at the picture of his baby. He smiles before showing it to Jensen.

 

“I’d like to start you on a course of pre-natal vitamins, just to make sure that the baby has all the nutrition it needs and I’m going to give you some leaflets about what you should and shouldn’t be eating while pregnant. Obviously you know to avoid caffeine and alcohol, but you should also avoid certain fish and cheeses. It’s all in the leaflet. Dr Taylor mentioned that you’ve been experiencing quite bad morning sickness?”

 

“Um, yeah, it’s been pretty bad,” Jared replies.

 

“Okay. Would you say that you’ve been throwing up more than you’ve been keeping down?” Dr Hayward questions.

 

“Um, it’s been a bit better this last week and I think I’m keeping down more than is coming back up.”

 

“Good. But I’d like you to keep an eye on your weight and if you lose any I’d like you to come back in and see me as soon as possible. In the meantime, I have some leaflets about ways to help with morning sickness,” Dr Hayward finishes handing Jared some leaflets and a prescription. “A lot of my patients find that if they have some crackers by their bed at night, and eat them when they wake up, it helps with their nausea. Also, eat small meals throughout the day and drink plenty of fluids. Do you have any questions for me?”

 

“Yeah. I, um. Well, I didn’t know I was pregnant for the first couple of weeks, and I, um, had a few beers and I was just wondering, um, if that would have an effect on the baby?” Jared asks worriedly. That question has been weighing on his mind ever since his visit to Dr Taylor. He’s really worried that he’s harmed the baby.

 

“Excessive alcohol consumption early on in the pregnancy can sometimes cause miscarriage, but I’ve had patients who went out drinking every weekend for weeks before they found out they were pregnant and delivered perfectly healthy children. Fetal Alcohol Syndrome mainly presents itself in patients who have consumed alcohol regularly throughout their entire pregnancy, so as long as you don’t drink anything now that you know, you should be fine,” Dr Hayward smiles reassuringly at Jared.

 

Jared lets out a relieved sigh. “Okay. And I stopped drinking when I found out so…”

 

“I get quite a few patients with similar concerns. I also get a lot of questions about sex during pregnancy,” Dr Hayward says.

 

Jared blushes when he says, “That won’t really be a problem for me. I doubt I’ll be able to find anyone willing while I’m pregnant.”

 

Dr Hayward gets a confused look on his face. “You two aren’t together?” he asks.

 

“No. We’re just friends.” Jared replies. He has to remind himself that there’s nothing going on between him and Jensen because sitting in an OB’s office and talking about their baby it’s so easy to pretend. Too easy. And Jared can’t go down that road. It’ll only lead to more heartbreak.

 

“Oh, okay. Well, do you have any more questions?”

 

Jared looks to Jensen to see if he has anything to say. When Jensen remains silent, Jared turns back to the doctor and says, “I think that’s everything.”

 

“Alright, well I’ll want to see you again in about 4 weeks so you can book your next appointment with my receptionist on the way out.”


	2. Chapter 2

About an hour after they get back from the doctor’s office Jensen makes his way into Jared’s office.

 

“Okay, so here’s a bottle of water and a snack,” says Jensen, sitting down in his usual seat opposite Jared’s desk.

 

“Umm, okay… thank you?” Jared replies, taking the offered snacks.

 

“The Doc said that you should eat every couple of hours and you should drink a lot of liquid; it’s supposed to help with the nausea, remember? The leaflet also said that you should also avoid spicy food. And ginger tea and crackers are supposed to help.”

 

“Thanks, Jensen,” Jared interrupts when Jensen opens his mouth to continue. “I can read the leaflets for myself, you know.”

 

Jared turns back to his computer screen and carries on typing. After a few minutes, Jared looks up when Jensen still hasn’t left.

 

“Don’t you have work to do?” Jared asks Jensen.

 

Jensen makes a noise that kind of sounds like ‘nyah’, a nah/yeah hybrid of sorts.

 

“Well, _I_ actually have work to do, so…” Jared says with an annoyed look on his face.

 

“Are we telling people?” Jensen suddenly asks, catching Jared off-guard. “I mean, we’re going to have to tell Jeff and Jim at some point. And we should tell our friends sooner rather than later. And I presume we’re telling our mothers. The sooner the better in their cases.”

 

“Umm. I guess I hadn’t really thought about it. I think I’d like to wait to tell Jeff and Jim. I mean, I haven’t even been here a year yet. And everyone always waits until the first trimester is over before they tell anyone… But I guess we have to tell our friends. Otherwise they’ll be wondering about my sudden aversion to alcohol and caffeine… And I was gonna call my Mama tonight.”

 

“Jeff and Jim’ll be cool about it. But if you want to wait that’s fine. Kane has a gig tomorrow night, you wanna tell everyone then?”

 

“Umm, yeah. I guess so,” Jared says feeling suddenly nervous.

 

“Right, well, I do actually have some work I should be doing. We’ll talk more later, ‘kay?”

 

“Yeah, right,” Jared says vaguely as Jensen walks out the door.

 

Jared sighs and hangs his head in his palm. The pitying glances will only increase now, considering how everyone knows that Jared’s in love with Jensen. So telling them that he’s now pregnant with Jensen’s baby? Awkward. He is _not_ looking forward to this.

 

~*~

 

Jared decides that if he’s going to start telling people he’d better start with his mother. She’d be really pissed if she found out that she wasn’t the first to know; apart from Jensen that is.

 

“Hey, Mama,” Jared says when his mother picks up the phone, when he calls her that evening.

 

“Baby! How are ya honey?” Sherri asks.

 

“’M good, I guess. How’re you? Dad alright?”

 

Sherri laughs. “Yes, JT. Your father and I are both fine. I’m looking forward to the end of term though. Think I’m just as excited as the kids!”

 

Jared smiles as Sherri continues to tell Jared some stories of her students’ antics. He always enjoys hearing stories of his mother’s job as a high school English teacher.

 

“How are Jeff and Megan?” Jared asks his mother about his siblings.

 

“They’re both fine. Jeff’s all finished with his residency now and he got the job in the hospital he wanted. Megan’s just happy that she’s finished her finals! She’ll be coming home next week.”

 

“Cool. That’s good.”

 

“Anything you wanna talk about, JT? Sounds like you have something on your mind.”

 

Jared curses the fact that his mother knows him so well. “Um, yeah. There is, uh, something that I wanna tell you.”

 

“Yes…? Go on.” Sherry says when Jared fails to say anything.

 

“I guess I’ll just say it, huh? Um, here goes… I’m pregnant,” Jared tells his mother.

 

There’s a slight pause before his mother says, “What? I think I misheard you, sweetie. I thought I heard you say that you’re pregnant,” his mother laughs.

 

“I did. I mean, I am.”

 

“Oh,” comes the faint reply. “I don’t understand, honey. You would have told me if you were seeing someone. Wouldn’t you?”

 

“I’m not seeing anyone, Mama.”

 

“Then I don’t understand. I know you’re not the type to have a one night stand.”

 

Jared blushes at his mother’s remark. He _really_ hates how well she knows him. “I’m not.”

 

“Well… Who’s the father then?” Sherri asks when Jared doesn’t divulge any information.

 

“Jensen. It’s Jensen.”

 

“Wha- Jensen? But you said you weren’t seeing anyone. Have you and Jensen…? Are you two finally together?” Jared hates how hopeful his mother sounds.

 

“No, Mama. We’re not together. We just got drunk.”

 

“So you’re really not together?” his Mama asks sounding disappointed. His mother has known how Jared feels about Jensen since probably before Jared knew himself. She’s always liked Jensen since the first time she met him all those years ago and she’s always said that they’d be good together; always hoping that they’d get their acts together and get together.

 

“No. We’re really not together,” Jared sighs. “He’s being really great about everything though. Said he’s going to be there for me and the baby.”

 

“Oh, well that’s something,” Sherri says. “I’m going to be a Grandmother!” She exclaims as though that’s only just occurred to her.

 

Jared laughs. “You’re already a Grandmother,” he says, referring to Jeff’s son.

 

“Oh, I know! But I’m going to be a Grandmother again!” She says sounding delighted. “When are you due?”

 

“Beginning of January,” Jared replies.

 

“How you feeling ‘bout all this, JT? You don’t sound very enthusiastic,” Sherri observes.

 

“I’m just tired, Mama. Was kinda worried about how you’d react,” Jared admits. In his heart he knew that his mother would take everything well but he was irrationally anxious that his Mama would be angry with him and not support him.

 

“Well, of course, baby. Did you really think I’d be mad at you or somethin’?”

 

“No, Mama. ‘Course not. I was still worried though.”

 

“I guess I can understand that. I was so nervous to tell my Mama when I was pregnant with Jeff and I was married!” She chuckles. “So how you feelin’ ‘bout it?”

 

“I was pretty freaked out at first. But now? I’m actually kind of excited. We went to the doctor today – me and Jensen – and the doctor did a scan. We could see the baby; it was tiny – kinda just like a little bean. And we could see the heartbeat.” Jared smiles thinking back on it.

 

“That’s great, JT. I’m really happy for you. And how’s Jensen taking everything?”

 

“Um, I guess we haven’t really talked about it. He said that he was going to be there for me and the baby so I guess that means he’s okay with everything. And, well, he was smiling at the doctor’s, so that means something, right?”

 

“Yeah, JT. I think that means something,” Sherri says fondly.

 

~*~

 

On Saturday night Jared and Jensen go to a local bar where Chris and Steve are performing. Jared hasn’t seen any of his friends since he found out he was pregnant and he’s definitely going to have to tell them all tonight otherwise they’ll wonder why he’s not drinking.

 

Everyone in their group is there when Jared and Jensen arrive; Tom, Mike, Chad, Sophia, Sandy, Danneel and Misha are all sat around a table off to the side of the bar area, and Chris and Steve are busy setting up the stage for their show.

 

After greeting everyone at the table and waving to Chris and Steve on the stage, Jared sits down at the table with the others.

 

“Hey, Jay? I’m gonna go get a drink. You want anything?” Jensen asks, gesturing behind himself at the bar.

 

“Uh, I’ll just have a lemonade. Thanks,” Jared replies, turning back to the others. He can see that they have curious expressions on their faces but nobody’s saying anything. He’s not a big drinker; he doesn’t get drunk often, but he always enjoys a few beers when they all go out together so the others will probably think it strange that he’s not drinking beer tonight.

 

They all make idle chit-chat for a while, just catching each other up on the last few weeks, until Jensen comes back with a beer for himself and a lemonade for Jared. Chris and Steve come over briefly to say ‘hi’ to everyone after they’ve finished setting up but they can’t hang out for long and they are soon heading back over to the stage to start their set.

 

About half way through the first set everyone decides to get another round of drinks and Jared stands up to go help, but is stopped by Jensen’s hand on his shoulder, keeping him seated.

 

“No, Jared, sit. I’ll get it. You want some juice or something?” Jensen asks, keeping his hand on Jared’s shoulder.

 

“Seriously, Jen, I can get it; it’s fine,” Jared replies, trying to stand up despite Jensen’s best efforts.

 

“Jared, you should rest. I’ll get you something,” says Jensen dismissively, walking away and effectively ending the discussion.

 

Jared looks around the table at his friends who are all looking at him with a mixture of bemused and confused expressions. Nobody says anything though, which Jared is glad about.

 

Jensen ends up bringing him some apple and mango juice saying that it’s ‘good for him’, and Jared knows that he actually means, ‘it’s good for the baby’. Jared’s just glad that Jensen didn’t actually say that in front of their friends.

 

Jared’s making his way back through the bar from the bathroom when Jensen suddenly takes him to the side. Jensen’s a little bit tipsy; Jared can tell. Everyone except Jared has been drinking steadily throughout the evening, so none of them are exactly sober.

 

“Jared, when are you going to tell them?”

 

Jared had kind of been hoping that Jensen would forget about telling their friends because Jared doesn’t really want to tell them just yet. He guesses that there’ll never really be a right time to tell everyone, but he hasn’t had enough time to psych himself up.

 

“Soon. When Kane have finished, so everyone’s there,” Jared replies, trying to postpone the inevitable for as soon as possible.

 

Luckily for Jared, Jensen seems to accept his answer and continues moving towards the bar, coming back ten minutes later with another beer and another juice for Jared.

 

“Okay, seriously. What the hell is going on with you two?” Chad asks. Kane finished playing about fifteen minutes earlier and Jensen had just got back to the table with a bowl of fries telling Jared that he ‘needs to eat’.

 

“Umm, whaddaya mean?” Jared responds, knowing that he’s not going to be able to avoid this discussion for much longer.

 

“You and Jensen. You’re acting weird! And he keeps buying you food and juice and shit? What’s goin’ on?” The others all look deploringly at Chad’s usual lack of tact, but at the same time eager to know the answer; like they all wanted to ask the question but just aren’t as gauche.

 

Jared sighs. He knows he’s not going to get out of this one. They aren’t going to leave him alone until he tells them what’s going on.

 

“I mean, I know you two can’t be screwin’. Jay would have told us.”

 

Jared buries his head in his hand, wondering, not for the first time, why he’s friends with Chad. When Jared looks up again he sees that everyone else is looking at Chad in exasperation and Chad is rubbing the back of head where, by the looks of it, Sophia hit him. Jensen, thankfully, is looking as oblivious as ever.

 

Jared lets out another sigh and tells everyone, “I’m pregnant.”

 

“Oh my gosh!” Sandy exclaims, seeming to be the first person to get over the shock and running around the table to engulf Jared in her embrace. “Why didn’t you tell me?!” Sandy demands, swatting lightly at Jared’s arm.

 

The others all start asking questions, making comments and jokes and congratulating Jared.

 

“Wait, wait, wait,” Chris says over everybody, shutting them up. “Who’s the father?”

 

This is the bit that Jared’s been dreading. He takes a deep breath to prepare himself when Jensen clears his throat and says, “That’d be me.”

 

The reactions that that causes would almost be comical if not for the fact that Jared’s insides were squirming. The girls’ mouths all drop open, almost in synchronicity, and just stare disbelieving between Jared and Jensen.

 

Everyone is stunned into silence until Chad asks bluntly, “So you two actually _are_ fucking?”

 

“No,” Jared says, trying to keep the disappointment from his voice. He doesn’t think he’s managed it given the looks on the other’s faces.

 

“We got really drunk at that company party like two months ago and… I don’t know. We ended up in bed. It didn’t mean anything,” Jared says, his voice flat.

 

“Oh, Jared,” Sandy murmurs, voice full of sympathy. And that’s exactly why Jared didn’t want to tell everyone.

 

Jared looks around at all his friends gathered around the table and sees a mixture of sympathy and pity in their eyes. Jared shakes his head a fraction to each side, silently asking his friends not to say anything in front of Jensen, who doesn’t seem to have noticed the looks that everyone is giving Jared, and the glances between them.

 

“Congratulations, man!” Steve says, clasping Jensen by the shoulder, with everyone adding in their own congratulations and Jared’s glad that no one’s saying anything.

 

Shortly after, Jensen disappears to the bar again and Sandy and Sophia descend on Jared, firing quick questions at him.

 

Jared sighs as he says, “If you’re going to interrogate me, could you at least slow down; ask one questions at a time.”

 

“How did this happen?” Sandy asks, her eyes wide and a little doleful.

 

“I told you; we got drunk. Like, really drunk. I barely even remember it. And we both agreed to pretend it never happened. It didn’t mean anything,” Jared says, more for himself than the girls.

 

“That’s bull Jared, and we all know it,” Sophia adds in.

 

“Well it didn’t mean anything to Jensen.”

 

That comment just got Jared more sympathetic looks from the girls.

 

“Us having a baby together isn’t going to change anything,” Jared continues. “I mean, having a baby will change a lot of things, but my relationship with Jensen isn’t one of them. And I know that. Me and Jensen are never going to be together,” Jared finishes dejectedly.

 

Jared doesn’t bother to look up. He knows that all he’ll see are the pitying stares from his friends and he doesn’t really want to deal with that right now. Instead he turns to his glass of juice and joins in the conversation that Tom and Mike are having about last night’s game.

 

Ten minutes later, half an hour after Jensen left to go to the bar, Jensen returns to the table to announce that he and some slutty chick that he picked up are heading out and could Chris please make sure that Jared gets home alright.

 

Jared knows without looking that everyone is staring at him after Jensen’s gone with looks of mingled pity and sympathy.

 

~*~

 

It’s been a few weeks since Jared and Jensen told their friends about the pregnancy and Jared is coming to the end of his first trimester. In reality Jared knows that he hasn’t put on all that much weight but he’s feeling a bit like a whale. All his clothes are getting tighter and tighter as the days pass and he now has to use the loosest hole on his belts. Jared knows that it won’t be much longer until he’s visibly pregnant and at the end of the first trimester it’s probably about time that he talks to Jim and Jeff.

 

“Jensen, I think we should tell them,” Jared says over lunch one day. They’re at a little deli close to their office building; one they go to quite a lot.

 

“Tell who, what?” Jensen asks around his mouthful of turkey sandwich.

 

“Jeff and Jim. I think we should tell them about the pregnancy,” says Jared, laying down his own sandwich.

 

“Oh. Are you sure?”

 

“Yeah. I’m starting to show and I’m starting my second trimester next week. It’s probably about time that we tell them.”

 

“Okay, then. We can schedule a meeting with them for next week then,” Jensen answers, going back to his sandwich.

 

~*~

 

Jared knows that he was the one to suggest they tell Jeff and Jim but now that it’s actually time to tell them he’s really nervous. For some reason, telling his bosses makes everything seem more real.

 

“Jared, Jensen, they’re ready to see you now,” says Alona, Jeff’s secretary, coming out of Jeff’s office into the outer office where Jared and Jensen are waiting.

 

“Umm, okay.” Jared stands up and walks through the office door first with Jensen following closely behind him.

 

“Boys,” says Jeff with a smile on his face. “What can we do for you?” he asks, indicating the chairs opposite the desk.

 

Jared and Jensen take the offered seats and exchange a look before Jared opens his mouth to speak.

 

“Well, umm. We wanted to talk to you because, er, the thing is… I’m, umm, I’m pregnant.”

 

Jared can see the shock spread across the faces of Jeff and Jim, Jeff’s mouth opening slightly in surprise. It’s clearly not what they were expecting from this meeting.

 

“And, um, Jensen’s the father?” Jared adds on uncertainly.

 

That doesn’t seem to help with the surprise and confusion but their bosses snap out of it quickly enough.

 

“Oh. Well, er, congratulations! The both of you,” says Jeff, seemingly the first to recover.

 

“I wasn’t aware that you two were seeing each other,” Jim adds.

 

“We’re not,” answers Jensen. “It just… happened. But we’re not together.”

 

Jared gives Jeff and Jim a pained smile; he hates it when he’s reminded so categorically that he’ll never be with Jensen.

 

“Oh, alright. So Jared, when are you due?” Jeff asks, and Jared is grateful that he’s not pursuing the same line of questioning that Jim was starting; maybe he sensed his discomfort with the topic.

 

“I’m just going into my second trimester. Doctor says I’m due early January, around the sixth.”

 

“And have you thought any about your leave?”

 

“I was thinking that maybe, since the baby’s due in early January, that I could start my leave after New Year’s?”

 

“As I’m sure you know, in California, you’re allowed up to four weeks paid maternity leave prior to the baby being born, and about 12 weeks paid leave after the baby is born. After the paid leave, you can then have about 6 weeks of unpaid, but job-protected leave. After that, you can take a leave of absence, but it’s not paid or job-protected. And Jensen, you can have six weeks paid leave once the baby is born as paternity leave, with an additional 6 weeks un-paid leave.

 

“If you want, Jared, you can start your leave after Christmas,” Jeff says consulting his calendar. “You can think about everything we’ve discussed and agree between you how much time you want to take and then between the four of us we can come up with a return date for you.”

 

Jared nods along with everything that Jeff says, taking it all in.

 

They discuss a few more things after that, Jared and Jensen asking questions about the different types of leave, before they finish the meeting; Jared feeling a lot lighter after having told his bosses everything and starting to get everything in place for his leave.

 

~*~

 

“Jared, come on, let’s go!” Jensen calls from the living room of Jared’s apartment into the only bedroom in the place.

 

They’re supposed to be meeting everybody at a nice restaurant downtown in about twenty minutes for Sophia and Mike’s joint birthday dinner and they should have left by now but Jared is still in his bedroom with the door firmly shut.

 

“Come on, Jared! What the hell is taking so damn long? We’re gonna be late!” Jensen says, knocking on the bedroom door and then pushing it open without waiting for an answer.

 

When Jensen enters the bedroom, Jared is standing in front of his wardrobe still in his sweats with what looks to be about half of the contents of the wardrobe scattered around on the floor and bed. He looks around when he hears the door opening and sees Jensen taking in the mess that is currently his bedroom.

 

“Wha-?” Jensen manages to ask eloquently.

 

“I can’t find anything that fits,” Jared says forlornly.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“I mean… this!” Jared says, patting his belly. It’s been getting bigger and bigger as the weeks go by but it’s still only barely noticeable; only really evident to people who know it’s there. But still, it is slightly rounded and it’s big enough that Jared can’t do the zipper up on any of his nice trousers. He can only really wear sweats nowadays and even those are becoming perceptibly tighter.

 

Jensen smiles at the proof that his baby is live and growing. “Okay, how ‘bout this. Just find anything that you can do up for tonight; nobody will care what you’re wearing; and then tomorrow we can go shopping and get you some pregnancy clothes. Okay?”

 

Jared nods his head and looks down at his clothes strewn across the floor. He picks up some trousers that actually fit, although somewhat uncomfortably tight, that he had dismissed earlier as ‘too casual’ and a button down shirt that would go well and walked into the en-suite to change.

 

~*~

 

At dinner with their friends, Sandy insists that she accompany the boys shopping so that she can act as Jared’s fashion guru to make sure that he gets, in her opinion, the most fashionable pregnancy clothing. So the next day finds them in the mall in a shop that specializes in male pregnancy clothing with Sandy.

 

Jared feels really awkward trying on all the clothes that are designed to stretch and grow as he does especially as Sandy keeps making him show her every single outfit he tries on like some sort of fashion show. There’s a reason Jared didn’t become a model – he doesn’t like being the center of some one’s attention like that. It makes him uncomfortable. However, Sandy insists that he has to try on everything to make sure that they fit him right and look good on him. She keeps coming up with things like ‘it really brings out the color in your eyes’ and ‘that doesn’t really go with your complexion’. Jared’s finding it really rather annoying.

 

“Okay, I’ve got an outfit for every situation now. I have enough clothes to last the entire rest of my pregnancy. Are we done yet?” Jared asks, exasperated after trying on yet another shirt for work.

 

“Yeah, I guess we’re done. You sure you have enough casual clothes and stuff for work?” Sandy checks.

 

“Yes, Sand. I’m sure. Can we go?” Jared asks from behind the curtain where he’s changing.

 

Jensen and Sandy start to gather all the clothes that Jared had tried on so they could take them over to the cash register.

 

“Okay, well I got head off soon,” Sandy says around an armful of shirts and tops. “I figure you’ve got enough to keep you going so I’m gonna just leave you two to it.”

 

With that Sandy dumps everything in her arms into Jensen’s before giving him a kiss on the cheek and turning to do the same to Jared, who’s just come out of the changing room, giving him a hug as she does.

 

“Well, behave boys. I’ll see you soon,” Sandy says with a smile and a wave as she leaves the store.

 

“Hey, you wanna grab some lunch before we leave?” Jensen asks, making his way over to the cash register.

 

“I guess so. I am pretty hungry. Can we get pickles and ice cream for dessert?” Jared asks as if it was a completely normal request.

 

Jensen, who was quickly becoming used to some of Jared’s more unusual cravings, just nods his head with a quick ‘sure’. He isn’t about to argue with a pregnant man; he isn’t insane.

 

Jensen pays for Jared’s new clothes, with Jared complaining the whole time next to him that he can ‘buy his own damn clothes’, and they head over to the food court.

 

“Do you know what you wanna do for your birthday?” Jensen asks when they’re sat down with their food. Jared’s birthday is less than a week away and they haven’t really talked about it at all.

 

Jared skips right over his burger and dips his pickle into the bowl of ice cream. “Mmm…” Jared moans appreciatively. “Huh? Oh, right. Um, I dunno. I’m not really up for a party or anything. Maybe just dinner or something?”

 

“Okay, sure. I’ll figure something out.”


	3. Chapter 3

The Saturday before his birthday, Jared wakes to the sound of knocking on his front door.

 

When Jared finally drags himself out of bed, annoyed that he’s being disturbed during his lie in, he opens his door to find his Mama standing in front of him.

 

“Mama!”

 

“Baby! Look at you! You’re getting so big!” Sharon Padalecki remarks as she pulls her youngest son into a tight embrace.

 

“Mama, what are you doin’ here?” Jared asks when he’s finally released.

 

“I came to surprise my baby boy for his birthday,” Sherri says, patting Jared’s cheek and inviting herself into his apartment.

 

Sherri sits herself down on the sofa and pats the seat next to her. “Come. Sit.”

 

Jared does as he’s told, sitting down next to his Mama.

 

“I just talked to you last night, how come you didn’t tell me you were coming?”

 

“Well it wouldn’t be a surprise if I told you now, would it?” Sherri says with a fond look on her face.

 

“I’m glad you’re here, Mama,” replies Jared.

 

He’s not ashamed of being a total Mama’s boy so he reaches over and pulls his Mom into another hug.

 

~*~

 

On the day of Jared’s birthday, Sherri surprises her son by showing up at his office and insisting on taking him out for a proper birthday lunch. Sherri knows that Jared’s never been able to say no to her so she watches him save his work and get his jacket.

 

Sherri insists on going to a proper restaurant for Jared’s birthday and not just the deli down the street, so Jared takes her to a nice little Italian restaurant a few blocks away.

 

“So, sweetie,” Sherri starts once they’ve ordered their food.

 

“Hmm?”

 

“What’s going on with you and Jensen?”

 

“What d’you mean?” Jared asks.

 

“Well… Has anything changed between you two? Having a baby with a person really changes a relationship.” Sherri is still hoping for Jared and Jensen to get together no matter how many times Jared tries to tell her that it’s never going to happen.

 

Jared sighs, knowing exactly what his mother is getting at. “Everything’s the same as it’s always been, Mama. And it’s never going to change.”

 

Seeing it's still a sore subject for her son Sherri decides to drop it for the time being. It’s hard for her to see Jared looking so dejected. Jared’s always so adamant that nothing is ever going to change between him and Jensen, no matter how much he might want it to, and he’s just going to have to get over it. That mentality has always irked Sherri because she knows it’s not true; in the way that mothers just know. She sees the way that Jensen sometimes looks at Jared; very much the same way that Jared usually looks at Jensen: like he hung the stars and is the center of his universe. She just hopes that Jensen will realize it.

 

~*~

 

For Jared’s birthday, Jensen’s planned a quiet get together with all their close friends.

 

Jared didn’t much feel up to going out so Jensen arranged, with the help of Sherri, some food and a few birthday decorations scattered around Jensen’s apartment along with some movies so that they could all just hang out and have a movie marathon.

 

They move all of the cushions from Jensen’s sofa onto the floor where they all sit huddled watching the movies.

 

During the evening while everyone’s watching the movies and laughing and joking, Sherri sees the way Jensen watches her son. Jensen always smiles whenever Jared laughs at something, his eyes crinkling in the corners. When he thinks no one is looking he just watches Jared with a soft look on his face.

 

Sherri is sure that Jensen has no idea how he truly feels about her son. She knows he can be a bit of an idiot about things like feelings; after all he’s the only one in the world who has no idea that Jared is in love with him. She just hopes that he realizes before it’s too late and there’s too much heart-ache.

 

Half-way through one of the films, Jensen gets up from the sofa to get some more snacks from the kitchen, and Sherri offers her help.

 

“So Jensen,” Sherri starts when the two of them are sorting out the snacks, “looking forward to the new arrival?”

 

“Hmm? You mean the baby?” Jensen continues when Sherri nods. “I’m actually really looking forward to it. I’d never really given much thought to having kids but now that it’s happening… Yeah, I’m kind of excited.”

 

“That’s great, Jensen,” Sherri smiles at him. “I’m really glad. I think you and Jared will make great parents.”

 

“Well, Jared will, definitely. Can’t think of anyone better to go through this with,” Jensen says, looking through to the living room where Jared is leaning against the sofa laughing about something with Mike, with an affectionate smile on his face.

 

~*~

 

The days were passing by quickly and Jared kept getting bigger and bigger. He was soon thankful of all the clothes Sandy made him buy because they certainly made him more comfortable the bigger he got.

 

Pretty soon the day for the 18 week scan arrived which found Jared and Jensen sitting anxiously in the examination room at Dr Hayward’s office.

 

Jared had already been weighed and measured and had all the usual tests performed. All they were waiting for now was for the doctor to come in.

 

“Jared, how are you doin’ today?” Dr Hayward asks, walking into the room and placing his clipboard on the side table.

 

“Um, pretty good. Ah, a little nervous, I guess,” Jared answers, scratching at the side of his face.

 

“There’s no need to be nervous,” Dr Hayward says, smiling kindly at Jared. “The nurse has taken all your measurements and tests? Okay, I’ll start on the scan then,” Dr Hayward continues after Jared’s nod of assent.

 

Dr Hayward pulls over the cart with the ultrasound machine on it, turning it on. “Do you want to find out the sex of the baby today?”

 

Jared and Jensen share a brief look before turning and nodding to the doctor before Jared lifts his shirt for the doctor to squeeze out some jelly.

 

“Sorry, might be a little cold,” says the doctor at Jared’s quick inhale of breath.

 

“Yeah I got that,” Jared replies with a breathy chuckle.

 

“Okay, let’s get this started.”

 

Dr Hayward places the probe on Jared’s distended abdomen and presses in slightly until an image appears on the screen.

 

At the last ultrasound nothing was discernible; all Jared could really see was something vaguely bean-like. This time, however, he could quite clearly make out the shape of the fetus: the head, arms and legs.

 

Jared reached out for Jensen’s hand and squeezed it in his, never taking his eyes away from the image of his baby on the screen.

 

“I just need to take some measurements and so forth,” Dr Hayward says, reaching for his clipboard.

 

When the doctor’s satisfied he turns to Jared and Jensen and asks, “You ready to find out the sex?”

 

All Jared can do is nod his head, trying to keep his tears at bay.

 

Dr Hayward moves the probe around Jared’s stomach slightly until he’s satisfied with the positioning. “Okay, see that right there?” he asks, pointing to some lines on the screen, “It’s a girl.”

 

“Wow,” Jared can no longer keep the tears at bay and they start running down his cheeks. “A daughter. Jen, we’re havin’ a baby girl!”

 

“I know.” Jensen’s having a hard time keeping his emotions in check as well and is trying hard not to let his own tears fall. Jensen places a chaste kiss against the side of Jared’s forehead and then another to their joined hands.

 

“I’ll just give you two a minute alone. When you’re ready just make your way into my office,” Dr Hayward says, collecting his things before making his way to the door and letting himself out quietly.

 

Jared and Jensen barely notice the doctor’s departure; their interest purely on the image of their daughter still on the screen.

 

~*~

 

Jensen opens the door to his apartment and lets Jared go in before him.

 

“I think we should get this framed,” says Jared holding up his print-out of the ultrasound. “Y’know, like ‘baby’s first picture’, or something.” Jared flops down onto Jensen’s sofa, making himself comfortable.

 

“Uh, yeah. Good idea. We can pick up a frame tomorrow or something. Hey, you want anything?” Jensen asks from around the corner in the kitchen.

 

Jared thinks for a moment. “Tea? Or maybe just some juice. Do you have anything to eat?”

 

Jensen lets out a bark of laughter at that. “You ate like an hour ago!” He never the less starts getting things together to make Jared a sandwich.

 

“Yeah, but your baby demands food!” Jared calls, not moving from his place on the sofa.

 

A minute later Jensen emerges from the kitchen with a tray laden with a mug of tea – four sugars just the way Jared likes it – a glass of apple juice, a sandwich and a coffee for himself. “How come it’s always _my_ baby when she’s doing something annoying?” he asks, sitting down next to Jared.

 

“Well because she clearly got that from you,” Jared smirks, grabbing the sandwich off the tray.

 

They sit in comfortable silence for a few minutes, Jared happily munching away on his sandwich and Jensen pensively drinking his coffee.

 

“I’ve been thinking…” Jensen starts.

 

“Uh-oh.”

 

“Haha. Seriously though. I’ve been thinking – and you don’t have to say anything right now I just want you to think about it okay?”

 

“Okay…” says Jared, drawing out the word. “For me to be able to think about it I have to know what ‘it’ is,” he prompts when Jensen hasn’t continued.

 

“Right, well. I thought maybe you could move in with me… Don’t say anything yet just hear me out.” Jensen continues when Jared nods his head. “Well, you’re going to have to move out of your apartment anyway – I mean you can’t really have a baby in a one bedroomed apartment – and my apartment’s bigger. We’ll probably want some place bigger than this though so the baby can have her own room, but for now it’ll do. And also, well I guess it’s the main thing really, I want you to be closer. Y’know so I can help out you and the baby. I want to be there for everything. And this way if you have any weird cravings at 2 in the morning I can run out and get it for you.” Jensen barely pauses throughout his entire speech, not letting Jared have a comment in edge-ways. “Look, you don’t need to give me an answer right now. Just think about it okay?”

 

“Can I say something now?” Jared asks with a smile creeping onto his face. He continues when Jensen nods. “Yes, I’ll move in with you. I want you to be around for everything too. I mean this is your baby,” he says, his hand coming up to rub his distended stomach.

 

“Really?” Jensen asks, a huge grin forming on his face.

 

“Yeah. It’s pretty perfect timing actually. The lease is up on my apartment at the end of the month so I was just thinking about re-signing, but now I won’t.”

 

“Okay. Cool,” replies Jensen, grin firmly on his face. With that, he reaches over and pulls Jared into a hug.

 

“Right, well,” Jensen starts when the hug is broken a few minutes later, “I thought that maybe I would move all my stuff into the study so you can have my room. It’s bigger so you’ll have more space for when the baby gets here. I figured you’d probably want her in with you for the first few months anyway, and that’ll give us time to look for a bigger place.”

 

“Jen, you don’t have to do that…” Jared says uncertainly.

 

“Yeah, I do. I want you to be comfortable; you’re carrying my baby, and you’re gonna need the space.”

 

“Um, well, if you’re sure?” Jared hesitates.

 

“Yes,” says Jensen defiantly. “Otherwise I wouldn’t have asked you to move in.”

 

Jared smiles at that, a soft smile that he reserves only for Jensen; a smile that’s mirrored on Jensen’s face. For a second he can almost believe that there’s something between them; something real and not just in his head.

 

~*~

 

Things go pretty quickly from there. Jared tells his landlord that he won’t be re-signing his lease and he and Jensen start to pack up his apartment. Most of his furniture came with the apartment so he doesn’t have to worry about what he’ll do with it when he moves in with Jensen.

 

The weekend before Jared’s lease is due to run out he moves his things into Jensen’s apartment. Although, it’s more like Jensen and their friends move Jared’s things as Jensen insists that Jared just sit back and direct everyone else as he ‘doesn’t want to put any additional strain on Jared’. As well as moving Jared’s things in, Jensen rearranges the furniture in his living room to make space for what was in his study and moves everything that was in his bedroom into there.

 

For the most part, living with Jensen is awesome. They always have a great time hanging out together and now that doesn’t have to end because one of them has to go home.

 

Jared has to admit that the pregnancy is a lot easier with Jensen right there with him. Every time he has a weird craving, Jensen just goes out and buys it for him, no questions asked. A few weeks after moving in, the baby starts to kick for the first time.

 

Jared’s sitting on the couch in the living room watching TV with Jensen sitting and reading next to him. He’s been feeling pretty uncomfortable recently; his stomach expanding rapidly and his ankles taking the brunt of it. He keeps fidgeting and repositioning himself trying to get comfortable.

 

“Okay, seriously Jared! Can you just stop moving for one second?! I’m trying to read! You’re somewhat distracting,” Jensen finally cracks.

 

“I’m sorry,” Jared turns to Jared with his patented puppy eyes. “I just can’t get comfortable. My feet hurt,” he pouts.

 

Jensen sighs long-sufferingly and puts his book down. “Okay, come ‘ere,” he says indicating his lap.

 

“Huh?”

 

“Put your feet up!” Jensen says, patting his lap.

 

Jared swizzles around on the sofa putting his feet on Jensen’s lap and lying back. Jensen rests his hands on Jared’s ankles and then starts rubbing Jared’s slightly swollen feet.

 

“Mmm. That feels so good,” Jared moans. “My feet have been so sore recently.” Jared can feel himself relaxing with every ministration of Jensen’s fingers and starts gently rubbing his hands over his distended abdomen.

 

“Oh, oh!” Jared exclaims after a few minutes, hands clenching on his stomach.

 

“What? What’s wrong?” Jensen asks worriedly, stopping the impromptu massage.

 

“Nothing. Nothing’s wrong. I just felt something.”

 

“Felt something? What do you mean?” Jensen asks, his concern not waning.

 

“I think- oh! I think she’s kicking!” Jared exclaims, smile creeping onto his face.

 

“Really?”

 

“Yeah! Feel!” Jared says reaching for Jensen’s hands and placing them on his stomach where he can feel the baby kicking.

 

“Wow,” Jensen says when he feels the slight flutter underneath his fingertips. “That’s our baby,” he says turning his smile towards Jared.

 

In that moment, Jared’s really pleased that he and Jensen are living together so that they can share these moments of their daughter’s life together; if Jared hadn’t been living with Jensen, he probably would have missed it.

 

~*~

 

Everything feels so domesticated between them after a few weeks living together, picking out things for the baby and choosing names, that it’s so easy for Jared to forget that this is nothing more than two friends living together.

 

Unfortunately, that comes crashing home soon enough when Jared wakes in the middle of the night and goes to get himself some water.

 

He’s just finished filling his glass at the sink when he hears the front door. Looking at the clock on the kitchen wall, Jared notes that it’s just gone two in the morning.

 

Chris and Steve had invited them out, but Jared hadn’t felt like going so he told Jensen to go without him. Jared had just assumed that Jensen had come home while he had been asleep.

 

Jared rounds the corner of the kitchen into the living room to greet Jensen when he stops dead in his tracks.

 

Jensen’s not alone.

 

There’s some blonde girl hanging off his lips and tugging at his clothes. And Jensen’s pulling at hers.

 

They obviously haven’t realized that they’re not alone in the room and continue to make a path towards Jensen’s bedroom, leaving a trail of clothes behind them.

 

Jared’s snapped out of whatever daze he was in when he hears Jensen’s door snap shut.

 

Suddenly not feeling nearly as thirsty as he had been, Jared returns to the kitchen and places his glass in the sink before quietly making his way towards his own room.

 

He curls into a ball under the covers and lets the first tears fall.

 

~*~

 

Since that night, Jensen’s come home a few more times with various girls and guys accompanying him. They never talk about and Jared doesn’t want to bring it up; they aren’t together so it’s not really any of his business. Jared thinks that maybe Jensen hasn’t even realized that Jared’s aware of his little night-time escapades.

 

Jared’s in his third trimester now and is feeling really quite large. Jensen came home with another girl the night before so Jared’s retreated to a near-by coffee shop to get some work done. It has nothing to do with avoiding Jensen. Or at least that’s what Jared tells himself.

 

Jared’s got a large table all to himself towards the back of the shop. His laptop is open in front of him with his books and documents spread around him. He’s been there for a few hours and has already had three hot chocolates and two fruit juices. He can’t have any coffee and he’s a little weary of tea, so he’s sticking to the chocolate overload.

 

Jared’s in the middle of his train of thought, typing frantically away at his laptop when his attention is drawn by the sound of his name being called.

 

When Jared looks up to investigate the sound he sees Mark, his ex-boyfriend, making his way towards him. Mark is a few years older than him, already in his thirties, with dark wavy hair that he keeps short. Jared notices that he’s grown out his facial hair since he last saw him. Mark and he had gone out together for nearly a year before Mark was transferred to his company’s London office. Things had been going well between them; as well as any relationship that Jared has can go.

 

“Mark! Wow, what are you doing here?” Jared says, saving his work and closing the lid of his laptop before standing up to give Mark a hug.

 

“Whoa,” says Mark when Jared gets up, getting his first look at Jared’s distended abdomen. “Wow, you’re pregnant?”

 

“Oh, um. Yeah,” Jared replies, stroking a hand down his stomach.

 

“Wow. Um. I guess things must be goin’ pretty well for you then. Who’s the lucky guy?” Mark asks sitting down at Jared’s table before indicating that Jared should do the same.

 

“Um, well, actually. It’s uh, Jensen’s.”

 

“Jensen,” Mark says on an exhale. “You two finally got together then, huh?”

 

“What?” Jared asks confused.

 

“Come on Jared. Everyone knows how you feel about the guy. When we were together I tried to ignore it, pretend it wasn’t there, but I knew. You’re in love with him. And I’m guessing he loves you too.”

 

Jared bows his head looking down as he starts to answer. “You’ve got it all wrong. Me and Jensen aren’t together,” he says looking up.

 

“No?” Mark asks, looking pointedly at Jared’s stomach.

 

“No. This?” Jared says stroking his belly, “just a drunken accident. Me and Jensen have never been together and we never will be.”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“What for?” Jared asks, his brow creasing in confusion.

 

“Like I said: I know how you feel about the guy,” Mark says with a sad smile.

 

“I’m sorry.” Jared continues when all he gets is a quizzical look. “You deserve better than a guy who’s in love with somebody else. So, I’m sorry. But for what it’s worth; I really did care about you.”

 

“I know,” says Mark, sadly.

 

“Look,” he says looking down at his watch, “I really gotta get goin’. I only really stopped in here for a coffee to go, so…”

 

“Right, right. Yeah. Well, it was nice seeing you,” Jared says, watching as Mark gets up from his chair.

 

“Do you wanna get a bite to eat sometime? Y’know, since you can’t have coffee? It’d be nice to catch up properly.”

 

“Yeah. That would be good. I wanna hear all about London!”

 

Mark lets out a chuckle at that. “’Course. You still have my number right?” At Jared’s nod he says, “Cool. Give me a call later, alright?” When Jared nods again, he turns around to leave the coffee shop, Jared watching him leave.


	4. Chapter 4

True to his word, Jared calls Mark later that day and they arrange to go to dinner the following evening.

 

Mark takes Jared to a cozy little Italian restaurant down by Fisherman’s Wharf. They have a nice evening together, catching up and reminiscing. Mark tells Jared all about London and things that he managed to see there, when he wasn’t in the office. Jared just generally tells Mark about what has been happening in his life, mostly about the baby.

 

All in all, the whole evening has felt kind of like a date to Jared; right up to and including when Mark walks him to his front door at the end of the evening.

 

Jared has missed this; someone taking him out, only concentrating on him. It feels nice to be the center of someone’s attention like this; to see the attraction in their eyes and know it’s directed at him. That’s why Jared doesn’t turn away when Mark leans in to kiss him goodnight.

 

“I had a really great time tonight, Jared,” Mark says, pulling away.

 

“Mmm, me too,” Jared says with a tentative smile.

 

“I’ll give you a call tomorrow,” says Mark starting to walk backwards towards the elevator.

 

All Jared can do is nod before digging out his key from his pocket and opening the front door.

 

“Where the hell have you been?!” Jensen demands as soon as he steps through the door.

 

“Uh, dinner?” Jared says, moving inside and taking off his jacket.

 

“And you didn’t think to tell me?! Who did you go to dinner with?” Jensen asks instead when all he gets is a shrug.

 

“Not that it’s any of your business,” Jared says with a pointed look, “but I went to dinner with Mark.”

 

“Mark? As in, your ex-boyfriend, Mark? I thought he was in London?”

 

“He was. He came back. And we went to dinner.”

 

“And you don’t think it’s any of my business if you’re going out with your ex-boyfriend?” Jensen shouts, his temper rising.

 

“No! Like it’s none of _my_ business when you come home with some random floosy!” Jared shouts back, anger mounting to meet Jensen’s.

 

With those words, Jensen deflates completely. “I didn’t know you knew about that,” he says, going over to sit on the couch.

 

“Well you’re not exactly quiet.”

 

At that, Jensen winces. “I’m sorry.”

 

“Well, like I said: it’s none of my business. And it’s none of _your_ business who _I_ go to dinner with.”

 

Jared turns his back on Jensen and goes to his room, not seeing the pained look on Jensen’s face.

 

~*~

 

“I don’t know what I’m doing Sand,” Jared says the next afternoon. He had left the apartment early that morning, before Jensen had gotten up, and had avoided Jensen at the office all day. After work Jared had met Sandy at a café close to his office. “He really likes me. And he treats me really well. And he’s so sweet. I should want to be with him… But I just, don’t. And he deserves better than that. I shouldn’t lead him on when I’m in love with Jensen.”

 

Sandy is sitting quietly, listening to everything her friend is saying. She doesn’t want to interrupt him so she’s listened to the entire story from when Jared first saw Mark in the coffee shop on Saturday afternoon.

 

“And then when I got home, Jensen was acting really weird. He was like, demanding to know where I’d been and who I’d been with. Can you believe that? He was being such an asshole.”

 

When Sandy thinks that Jared has finally finished, she starts to speak. “Well, first, you should talk to Mark; tell him where you stand and that you just want to be friends; things are too complicated right now for anything more. And as for Jensen? Have you actually talked to him about all of this?” At Jared’s pointed look she says sarcastically, “of course you haven’t! You’re guys. Why would you talk about your feelings?!”

 

“Sandy.”

 

Sandy just groans. “Jared. Call Mark, then go home and talk to Jensen about all of this. Well?” Sandy asks when Jared makes no move to do either.

 

“What? You want me to call him right now?!”

 

Sandy sighs and nods with an expression on her face that clearly says ‘duh’.

 

“Alright, alright,” Jared says, getting out his phone.

 

Jared pauses in the middle of scrolling through his contacts list, trying to find Mark’s number. “I can’t do this over the phone, Sandy. I can’t be that cruel. Maybe I can get him to come meet me?”

 

“Are you asking me or telling me?” replies Sandy. “Then call him and ask him to come meet you.”

 

~*~

 

An hour later, Mark walks in to the café and when he sees Jared his face breaks into a big smile. When he reaches Jared he bends down to give Jared a hug. Sandy had left not long before Mark arrived in order to give Jared a little privacy. Jared thinks he might have preferred that she stay to give him some moral support.

 

“So what did you wanna talk about?” Mark asks. “You sounded kinda serious on the phone.”

 

“Um, yeah. It kinda is. Um, I don’t- I don’t know how to say… What I need to say… You know I like you. You’re a really great guy, and I’m lucky to have you in my life…”

 

Mark’s face is tense, already knowing where Jared is trying to go with this. If he’s honest with himself, he knew it was coming all along. “But…?”

 

“I love Jensen. I know I shouldn’t and I know he doesn’t feel the same, but I do. And I can’t in good conscience be with anybody else until I get over this thing I have for him; especially now that I’m having his baby. It wouldn’t be fair to you. You’re a great guy. You deserve to be with someone who loves you. Not someone who’s in love with someone else.” Jared pauses and takes a deep breath. “I know you probably don’t want anything to do with me anymore, but I would really like it if we stayed friends,” Jared ends uncertainly.

 

“I’d like to be your friend, Jared. I don’t think I can right now, though. I just need some time to get over you,” Mark says with a self-deprecating smile. “But I’d like to call you up sometime. Be friends. Meet your daughter,” Mark smiles at Jared. He can tell how upset Jared is over the whole situation and he truly cares about Jared and doesn’t want him to hurt over this. “Look, I knew what I was getting into going back in. I shouldn’t’ve pushed. Please try not to feel bad about this. I’m okay. And someday, we’ll be okay too.”

 

Mark stands up and picks up his briefcase, making to leave. “And also,” Marks says turning back to Jared, “I think Jensen cares a bit more than you think he does. I’ve seen the way he looks at you,” Mark adds at Jared’s look of confusion. “I’ll see you ‘round.” With that, Mark leaves Jared very confused sitting in the café by himself.

 

~*~

 

Jared gets home later feeling like shit. He’s tired, his lower back has been aching all day and to top it off he’s feeling awful after his conversation with Mark.  He always hated the break-up talks. He and Mark never really had one the first time they split up; Mark just moved away and they decided that they should end things rather than try long distance.

 

Jared’s hoping that someday they’ll be able to get past this and they can be friends, but for now he knows that Mark just wants some time away from him. Not that Jared can blame him. Jared feels really bad about the whole situation. Mark’s a really great guy and he cares about him a lot; just not in the way that Mark feels about him.

 

Jared lets himself into the apartment and the last thing he wants is another fight with Jensen. However, one look at Jensen’s face and Jared knows that he’s not going to get his wish.

 

“Dude, where have you been? You just disappeared after work,” Jensen starts the moment Jared gets through the door.

 

“I went to have a bite to eat with Sandy,” Jared says exasperatedly setting down his work bag.

 

“And you couldn’t have let me know?”

 

Jared sighs. “I really don’t need to tell you where I am every second of every day,” he retorts, annoyed.

 

“You do when you’re carrying my child.”

 

Jared is just getting really aggravated by Jensen’s attitude. “Why are you being such an ass about this?” he demands.

 

“Excuse me?” Jensen asks, taken aback.

 

“You have no right to demand to know where I am at all times. You have no claim over me. Stop acting like a- Like a jealous husband!”

 

Jared’s starting to get himself worked up and he feels a slight twinge in the side of his stomach. He brings his hand up to rub at the spot, soothing his daughter.

 

“I mean, what am I supposed to think?!” Jared continues, not letting Jensen speak. “We’re friends! I know we’re friends, but sometimes it really feels like more and it’s messing with my head!” Jared feels another pang in his stomach, more pronounced this time, but ignores it, just rubbing the spot before carrying on. “Is this real? Is there something between us or is it all in my head? Please, just tell me what you want, Jen! I love you! I have for years and I can’t get over you if you keep acting like this!” If Jensen goes to say something or has any reaction to his, Jared just ignores it. “I keep holding on to this hope that one day you might realize that you feel the same and you’re not doing anything to make me think otherwise. I don’t-” Jared breaks off when a stabbing pain sears through his stomach, too strong to ignore this time. He doubles over and cups his hands around his stomach with a strangled, “argh!”

 

“Jared!” Jensen’s at his side in an instant, rubbing his hand down Jared’s back and trying to guide him over to the sofa.

 

“Something’s wrong!” Jared cries, trying to breathe through the pain. “Hospital! I think I need- Hospital.”

 

“Yeah. Yeah, okay,” Jensen says, trying not to panic.

 

He grabs Jared’s go-bag, the one that he had prepared in case of such an emergency, and guides Jared to the front door and then down towards the parking lot.

 

~*~

 

Jensen rushes in to the hospital pushing Jared in a wheel chair. He’d parked in the closest spot to the entrance as possible and had then run to get a wheelchair for Jared before wheeling him in.

 

Jensen had done his best not to panic the whole way to the hospital but it was rather difficult with Jared’s heavy breathing and pained whimpers coming from next to him.

 

They make their way to the elevator, and press the button for the fourth floor where the maternity unit is. Jensen wheels Jared over to the desk and tells the nurse who they are. On the way to the hospital they had called Dr Hayward to inform him of what was happening and Dr Hayward had assured them that he would call ahead to the hospital for them and would then meet them there.

 

The nurse behind the desk nods her head and comes around the desk, taking the wheelchair from Jensen and wheeling Jared into a room down the hall.

 

“Okay, dear,” the nurse, starts, “Dr Hayward will be here soon, so before he gets here I’m just going to do the usual tests and things,” she says, helping him to stand up and sit on the bed. “But first, if you could just change into this?” She asks, handing him a robe. “I’ll come back in a few minutes, unless you need a hand?”

 

When Jared shakes his head, the nurse leaves the room, closing the door behind her.

 

“Here, let me help you,” Jensen says, moving over to Jared’s side. He’d been standing helplessly to the side, not knowing what to do but wanting to help.

 

“No, I can do it myself,” Jared says stubbornly, proving himself wrong a few seconds later, stumbling backwards onto the bed, clutching his stomach at another contraction.

 

Jensen moves forward and helps Jared take off his clothes and put on the hospital gown despite his protests. The nurse returns when Jensen is helping Jared into the bed.

 

“Okay, sweetie, I’m just going to take your blood pressure and then a blood sample, alright?” She says, starting to do just that.

 

When the nurse is finishing up, the door opens and Dr Hayward walks in, pulling on his white lab coat. “So, Jared, you’re having contractions?” He asks, moving his hands to feel Jared’s stomach.

 

All Jared does is nod, unable to speak through the pain of another contraction.

 

“I’m going to have to do a quick exam to see if you’re in pre-term labor or if this is false labor. Just scoot down the bed a little and put your legs up in the stirrups please,” Dr Hayward says before turning to put on some gloves.

 

Jensen watches as Dr Hayward examines Jared. He seems to nod his head a little and says something to the nurse that Jensen can’t quite catch. The nurse, however, nods to the doctor’s instructions and rushes out of the room.

 

“Jared, it seems that you’ve gone into pre-term labor. We’re going to give you some medicine to try to stop the contractions; we’d prefer her to be in there for a few more weeks, and we’re also going to give you a shot of steroids to help her develop a little faster in case she does get here early.”

 

All Jensen can do is stand to the side helplessly as the doctor starts to hook up all sorts of machines to Jared, apparently to monitor the baby and the contractions. Jensen moves a chair over to the head of the bed, out of the way of the doctor and nurses, and sits by Jared’s side and holds his hand, trying to give him as much comfort as he can. Jared squeezes his hand tight and doesn’t let go.

 

~*~

 

After a few hours the contractions haven’t lessened even with the medicine, and Jared is still squeezing Jensen’s hand every few minutes through the pain of each contraction. They haven’t really spoken much, both too stuck in their own heads but they haven’t let go of each other’s hands.

 

One of the machines attached to Jared’s stomach starts to go off and Dr Hayward comes into the room to see what is happening.

 

“She’s going into distress,” Jensen hears Dr Hayward say to the nurse that followed him in. “Jared, I need to examine you, okay?”

 

Jared nods shakily, worried about what is happening.

 

“Jared, you need to have an emergency c-section,” Dr Hayward says when he’s finished his exam. “Your baby is in distress and she needs to come out now but you’re not dilated enough so we’re going to have to take you up to the OR.”

 

“But she’s only 32 weeks! It’s too early! She can’t come now. We’re not ready! What if she’s sick? She can’t come now. She can’t!” Jared cries, starting to hyperventilate.

 

“I’m sorry, Jared but we can’t wait. She needs to come out now. And if she’s sick we’ll deal with, okay? I’ve delivered babies earlier than this and they’ve grown up just fine, okay? You need to calm down, alright? You panicking isn’t going to help your baby.”

 

 “But why?! Why is this happening? She shouldn’t come this early!”

 

Dr Hayward sighs. “We don’t really know why some people go into pre-term labor. It could be if you’ve been overly stressed recently, if you’ve been working too much… We just don’t really know for certain. Sometimes these things just happen and we just have to deal with it, okay?”

 

Jared nods his head, but he doesn’t seem to calm down any. The doctor and nurse help Jared move across to a gurney and then begin to wheel him out of the room. Jared clutches hold of Jensen’s hand and doesn’t let go.

 

“I’m sorry, Jensen. You can’t come any further,” Dr Hayward says when they reach the doors leading to the OR.

 

“What?” Jared asks, panicked. “Please don’t leave me, Jensen!” He cries, tears forming in his fear filled eyes.

 

“It’s okay, Jared. It’s going to be okay,” he says, running a hand through Jared’s sweaty hair. “I’ll be right out here the whole time. You’re going to be fine. And so will our daughter; you’ll see. I’ll be right here,” he repeats, trying to calm Jared. He presses a chaste kiss to Jared’s lips before he’s wheeled off through the doors to the OR. Only then does Jensen let the first tear fall.

 

~*~

 

Jensen had called their friends, families and work an hour or so after they had arrived at the hospital to let them know what was going on. He had managed to convince their friends not to come down to the hospital and their families not to catch the next flight out. He called again after Jared had been taken into surgery and pretty soon after most of their friends had shown up, trying to comfort him and keep him sane.

 

A little over an hour after Jared had been wheeled away, Dr Hayward comes out from the doors he had disappeared behind earlier. Jensen stands up from where he was sitting with Danneel as soon as he sees the doctor and walks over to him, desperate for news on Jared and his daughter.

 

“How are they?” Jensen asks as soon as he’s near enough to the doctor.

 

“It went as well as can be expected,” Dr Hayward says exhaustedly. “Jared lost a lot of blood during surgery and is currently having a blood transfusion in recovery. He’s going to be really weak for a while and will probably be unconscious for a few hours but, barring any complications, he should be fine.”

 

“And the baby?” Jensen asks, voice laced with worry.

 

“She’s very small, a little over three and a half pounds, which is to be expected with a baby born so prematurely. She’s doing well. She can breathe on her own and didn’t need to be intubated which, at her gestational age, is a really good sign, but we have her on oxygen to give her a little help and to make sure her lungs are properly developed. She’s been placed in the NICU where they’re running a few more tests, but everything looks good, considering. She’s really strong and babies born at 32-33 weeks have a good chance of survival.”

 

Jensen nods along with everything the doctor says trying to take it all in. “Can I- Can I see her?” He asks tentatively.

 

“Of course. Come with me.”

 

Jensen looks back at his friends who had all been listening intently to what the doctor had been saying. They all nod for Jensen to follow Dr Hayward.

 

The NICU is quite intimidating when Jensen first walks in; lots of machinery everywhere. Dr Hayward leads Jensen into a room with glass walls, filled with expensive looking equipment. In the middle of the room is an incubator which Jensen walks over to.

 

“Wow. She’s tiny!” Jensen says, staring down at his little girl, his eyes starting to water again.

 

“It’s to be expected. Like I said, she didn’t need intubation and is breathing well on her own which is a very positive sign. We’re keeping her in the incubator to make sure she can regulate her body temperature and she’ll most likely have to be tube feed for a little while.”

 

All Jensen can do is nod, never taking his eyes away from his baby.

 

“Have you and Jared discussed a name for her? To go on her birth certificate?”

 

Jensen nods. “Haley Leanne Ackles.”

 

~*~

 

Jensen spends a few hours in the NICU watching his daughter. He can already tell that she’s a strong one. He’s been talking to the nurses in there, learning about what he can expect and about when they are likely to be able to take her home.

 

After a couple of hours, the nurse from when they first arrived comes in to tell Jensen that Jared is starting to wake up.

 

When Jensen walks into Jared’s room, he’s starting to open his eyes, becoming aware of his surroundings.

 

“Easy there, Jay,” Jensen says going over to the bed and resting his hand on Jared’s shoulder preventing him from sitting up. “You just had major surgery, you gotta relax.”

 

“Haley?” Jared asks about their daughter.

 

Jensen smiles. “Doc says she’s doin’ good. She’s gorgeous, Jay. Just like her Papa,” Jensen says running his hand through Jared’s hair.

 

Jared blushes at that and looks away.

 

Jensen cups Jared’s cheek and moves his head so that he’s looking at Jensen again.

 

“We never got to finish talking earlier,” says Jensen. Jared opens his mouth to start talking but Jensen stops whatever was going to come out by pressing his lips to Jared’s.

 

“I’m sorry about the way I’ve been acting lately,” Jensen starts, taking advantage of Jared’s speechlessness. “It’s just that ever since we slept together I can’t stop thinking about that night; no matter how hard I try and how many people I sleep with. I started to look at you differently. Or maybe I’ve been looking at you like that all along and just never realized it.” Jensen sighs. “The point is: I love you, Jared. I’m _in_ love with you; probably have been for a long time. I was just too stupid to realize it.”

 

“You love me?” Jared asks, tears starting to gather in his eyes.

 

In answer, Jensen kisses Jared. Softly, chastely; nothing like the kisses that they shared the night that they slept together. The kisses they shared that night were rough and passionate but this one was tender and spoke of love.

 

“I love you,” Jensen says against Jared’s lips.

 

“I love you too.”


	5. Epilogue

After about a week in the hospital, Jared is given the all clear to go home.

 

As soon as the doctor allowed, Jared had gone to see his baby girl and had spent most of his days at the hospital sitting next to her. Jared and Jensen had spent the rest of time doing the thing that they never did before: talking about their feelings. It had been awkward at first but Jared has been left feeling very hopeful about their new relationship. And he’s sure that that is what this is: a relationship. Jensen had assured him that that was what he wanted this time; he was done screwing around and he wanted to make them work.

 

Jared and Jensen’s parents had both shown up the day after Haley had been born, anxious to see the new addition to their families. It is decided between the parents that it would be better for them all to stay in a local hotel so that Jared and Jensen can have their privacy when they get home, but still close enough to help if needed. The parents, especially Donna and Sherri, were thrilled at the news that Jensen had finally gotten his head on straight and that he and Jared were now a couple.

 

Their parents spend every day in the hospital with Jared and Haley and Jared is comforted by his mother’s presence. Every now and then, Jensen and their fathers disappear for a few hours and give no explanation for where they’ve been, although they share a look with Donna and Sherri and it seems that they all know what’s going on except for him.

 

Along with their parents, Jared gets a constant stream of visits from his friends, cooing over the baby. She’s the first baby in their group, but Jared doesn’t think it’ll be long before Tom and his wife start trying.

 

When Jared is discharged he hates having to leave the hospital without his baby girl. Jensen takes him home and when Jensen opens the door to their apartment he looks apprehensive, although Jared has no idea why.

 

“Here, come look,” says Jensen, taking him by the hand and leading him to the smaller of the two bedrooms, the room that has been Jensen’s for the past few months.

 

Jensen opens the door and Jared’s surprised at what he finds inside. The walls have been painted a baby blue color on the top half with a white trim in the middle with the bottom half of the wall white. On one side of the room there’s a beautiful white crib with soft blue sheets and a few toys in it. On the opposite side of the room is a matching changing table with a chest of drawers along the adjoining wall. In the corner of the room, there’s a light blue arm chair placed next to an end table with a picture of Haley from the hospital and the one from her ultrasound.

 

“Wow,” Jared says amazed, looking around. “When did you manage to do all of this?”

 

“I had a little help from our friends. And parents…” Jensen replies, blushing.

 

“It’s amazing! Thank you,” Jared says, leaning in for a kiss. He supposes that this is what they must have been doing when they kept sneaking off. When he pulls away he pauses, “Where’s all of your stuff?”

 

Jensen’s blush gets even deeper. “Um, if it’s okay with you, I, uh, I had it moved into your room?” He says with a questioning tone.

 

Jared just smiles and wraps his arms around Jensen’s neck. “I love you,” he says before leaning in and kissing Jensen again.

 

~*~

 

After just 3 weeks in the hospital, Haley Leanne Ackles is discharged and allowed to go home. Jared and Jensen had spent every day she was there by her side, watching over her. Dr Hayward had said that he had been amazed at how well she had been doing considering how early she had been born.

 

With Haley in her car seat in the back seat of the car with Jared, Jared had never known Jensen to drive so slowly. He stayed at least 5 miles under the limit the entire ride home not daring to risk anything happening to Haley after she had just got out of the hospital.

 

When they get to the apartment, Jensen opens the door for Jared who has Haley curled up in his arms. She’s fast asleep so Jared takes her into her new room and lays her down in the crib tucking her up in the little blue blanket.

 

Jared’s just staring down at his daughter when he feels Jensen snake an arm around his waist. He leans back into the embrace, resting against Jensen’s side.

 

“We did good, huh?” Jared remarks, not taking his eyes away from Haley’s sleeping form.

 

Jensen turns Jared’s head towards his own and places a gentle kiss to his lips, “yeah. Yeah, we did,” he says, smiling.

 

_The End_


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